


Challenger Approaching!

by SonikkuGirl8



Category: Persona 5, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Cap Is Smart, Comedy, Crazy Hand likes nachos covered in chocolate, DLC Season Folks, Drug Use, Eggman Shenanigans, Fighters won't be going in order, I use the name 'Ren Amamiya' for Joker, Joke Picks, Joker Makes Master Hand Coffee, Kingdom Hearts References, Mewtwo and his A+ Anger Management, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Fandoms Not Mentioned in Tags, Persona 5 References, Poor Master Hand, Sonic Being A Good Big Brother, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2019-11-12 15:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18013094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonikkuGirl8/pseuds/SonikkuGirl8
Summary: Master Hand decides to open up the selection of the last few planned fighters, allowing the Smashers to suggest their own picks.It goes about as well as you'd expect.





	1. Calling All Comers

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something fun. This monster is what I came up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Fixed the tags so that they're less cluttered! ... I hope.

“When did this poster get put up?”

“Poster? What poster?!”

“Hey, move it, I wanna see too!”

Master Hand watched with bated breath from his office as the Smashers began to crowd around the fliers he had placed. Already, he was starting to get a dull headache at the prospect of the hell he had just begun, but it was too late to stop the coming downward spiral.

Several Smashers squished and batted at each other, trying to read the contents of the poster that had gotten those who read before them so excited…

_ “Attention fellow Smashers! This year for our last minute fighter selection, I’ve decided to try something new. I will be allowing you each to select one nominee of your individual choosing to participate in a drawing. Nominees selected must have an interesting skill set and fighting style in order to qualify. Other than that, all comers welcome. Big or small, short or tall, good or evil, currently dead or alive, it doesn’t matter in the slightest! The interviewing process to finalize the selection will begin in two days, so make haste! Four slots open! _

_ -With love, Master Hand” _

“Did ya hear that? A fighter drawing!”

“We’ll be able to bring our friends!”

“Only four slots, though… Competition’s gonna be a little tight, huh?”

Master sighed as the last few fighters read the message, finally making the mansion lobby devolve into excited chaos.

“Crazy, make sure you have whoever’s in charge of shopping today bring back some aspirin. I think I’m going to need it…” Master said, finally tearing himself away from the security camera screens. Crazy was covered in black polka dots and shaking like a rabid dalmatian, but really nothing surprised him anymore.

Crazy simply cackled at his older brother, floating off at high speeds into the halls.

“... Or not. That’s fine too…”


	2. Mario

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario shows off a new skill.

“An’ trust-a me when I say he’ll surely make a great addition to the fray!”

 

Master Hand looked between Mario and his nominee, who was smiling at him in the most blank and unsettling way imaginable. The hand tried and failed to not be too creeped out about it.

 

“... Alright? And what kinds of things can he do?” he asked the plumber. He waited to see if the nominee would say anything, but he continued to stare unblinkingly. Didn’t even appear to be breathing.

 

“Well, he can-a jump! And-a lots of other stuff too like put stickers n’ badges onna himself!”

 

The nominee stared on. Now that Master Hand looked at him more closely, ‘he’ remained static the entire short conversation. Then he knew.

 

“Mario, did you just make a drawing of yourself and call it your candidate?”

 

“What? No, no! It’s-a Paper Mario, I already told ya!”

 

“Why is there a sticker on his back that says ‘Koop Troop Arts and Crafts’ on it, then?” piped in Joker, who had been seated by the front door reading a manga of some kind. He’d been made to live in Master Hand’s office until proper accommodations could be made for him, making Joker a constant presence in the room for the past few weeks. Plus, Master Hand just liked chatting with him; his voice struck a chord for some reason.

 

“I think I’ve heard enough. Come back tomorrow with a real person, please.”

 

“But he issa real person!” Mario cried, hopping in his chair. The picture wobbled from the sudden gust of air, falling onto the floor. Master Hand didn’t have facial features, but his stance could be interpreted as ‘deadpan’. There was nothing more to discuss.

 

“Good day, Mario.”

 

With his head hanging low, Mario left the room, dragging his poster board with him.

 

“Doesn’t he have tons of friends? Why’d he go through all that trouble?”

 

“I have no idea, but at least we can put ‘artist’ as one of his many talents.”


	3. Link

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master Hand should have known the knight would try bringing his Zelda on board again.

He took one long look at the person his latest Link had brought, and he already had his answer. Before the two of them had even settled into the chairs, even.

 

“No.”

 

As expected, a shrill cry of ‘ _ what?! _ ’ was the response he got back in return. Link flinched back, the screech hitting his sensitive ears at point-blank range from his proximity to the now-very angry Zelda. He sent a pleading look the hand’s way, silently begging him to reconsider.

 

Still, Master Hand held his ground. They had been over this before; Zelda didn’t have what it took to be a fighter in the tournaments. With her powers drained from all those years of dealing with her Ganon, she’d get eaten alive.

 

Literally. Ridley looked awful hungry when he passed him by in the halls, staring longingly at the princess.

 

“ _ Please  _ let her in, Master Hand. She’d add so much to the experience if she and I were able to fight alongside one another,” Link begged, looking at the hand with a pout. Master Hand felt the knight’s plight, having to deal with the aftershock and all once the duo left the office, but he wouldn’t give in so easily.

 

“Link, I don’t care if you’re lonely without your girlfriend…” The knight grew red in the face, “...and I don’t care how much either of you beg. The tournament already has a perfectly good Zelda and I had specifically asked for unique fighters.”

 

“But--!”

 

“This conversation is over. You can try to find someone new by tomorrow same as Mario, Link. Now please, others are waiting to enter.”

 

With a dejected sigh from Link and an angry snarl from Zelda, the two of them reluctantly left the room. Joker entered as they left, carrying two cups of coffee with him.

 

“Put in two extra shots of espresso, just like you asked,” the thief said with a look of sympathy. Grateful, Master Hand took his cup and drank it down in one go… somehow.

 

“Thank you, my boy. I don’t think I could have gone on much longer without that…” the hand said as Joker settled down into his chair and took a sip of his own.

 

“But that was only the second pair.”

  
“ _ I know… _ ”


	4. Sonic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An expected interruption to an otherwise great interview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few of you have expressed concern that Joker’s not going to have a chance at the drawing since he’s Master Hand’s commentary buddy. Just would like to confirm that he will, eventually. Gotta give Master Hand someone sane to talk to throughout all this, after all.
> 
> There’s also the fact they share a voice actor. That too.

_ “I have brought forth Sanic and his tiny dog friend, brother!~” _

 

“... It’s Sonic.”

 

_ “Have a seat, brother will see you now! I have to go dip my nachos in chocolate before the sun calls the muncher gods!~” _

 

Master Hand sighed. He sincerely wished he could share in his little brother’s enthusiasm but alas… he wasn’t mentally unstable enough for that.

 

Inside the room Sonic the Hedgehog walked, a face the hand had seen a few times in the past right behind him. Poor thing looked shy, and a bit too young to be in this sort of thing, but hey. Literal babies fight in the Smash tourneys. What was another little kid?

 

“C’mon, Tails, he don’t bite,” Sonic said, trying to coax the child behind him to the chair. After a bit, the young one relented, taking a seat and looking towards the hand nervously. Sonic followed soon after.

 

“Master Hand, this is my buddy Tails. He wants to enter into the drawing,” he said, wrapping an arm around his friend in reassurance. Tails smiled, and took a deep breath to contain himself.

 

“Yeah! I think that being able to put my technology to the test in combat would be perfect.”

 

“Ah, are you an inventor, then?” Master Hand questioned, curiosity piqued. It wasn’t every day that those who wanted to enter wished for more than glory out of the experience.

 

Tails nodded enthusiastically. “Yup! And I have tons of things I want to try out in battle. Mechs, robotic armor, laser pistols, bombs, the works! And on top of that, my flight capabilities would be able to give me a slight edge.” To show off, Tails spun his twin tails and hovered in the air for a few short seconds, impressing the hand a tad.

 

“I believe I’ve heard enough. You’d make a fine candidate for our competition. Now if you’ll just sign your name and information here, we can finalize your entry.” Master Hand practically threw the sign up documents at Tails’ face, eager to have his first real candidate. He didn’t think he could’ve taken three rejects in a row. Minutes later, the documents were filled out, and Tails’ name became the first in the list.

 

“See, bud, I knew you’d get in! No pro--”

 

_ “Not so fast!” _

 

‘I knew things couldn’t have gone without  _ something _ happening…’ The hand shuddered before slowly turning towards the office window. He instantly regretted it; some overweight slob with an unkempt mustache was pressing his face to the window. It looked revolting.

 

_ “That pipsqueak’s toys are nothing in the face of  _ my  _ superior genius! You should be putting  _ me  _ in that drawing!” _

 

“Egghead, how the heck did you get here?”

 

_ “That’s none of your concern, rodent!” _

 

Ah, yes… Dr. Eggman. How could he forget a man as arrogant and ill-tempered as him? Honestly, Master Hand had considered him for the base roster; he was just  _ too  _ psychotic to justify his placement. The hand didn’t want a bunch of roboticized creatures roaming around if he could help it.

 

“Doctor, I must ask you to get off my property,” the hand said, not letting himself be intimidated.

 

_ “Not until you put me in the dra-- AAAAAGH!!!” _

 

Honestly, Master didn’t expect Bowser to be able move so fast, but there he was in the blink of an eye, charring Eggman’s heiney to a crisp. 

 

“ _ That’s  _ for cheatin’ me out of that gold medal in Rio, you con!” 

 

“... Well, that went better than expected. You’re both free to go now.” He turned to Tails briefly, glad things were looking up at least for a bit. “Congratulations on being our first candidate, son!”

 

“Th-Thank you!” Tails said as the two left. “I hope I make it in!”

 

With a grin, Sonic opened the door for them both to leave, letting a returning Joker inside of the room before closing it. The boy’s arms were full of books to keep him entertained. “Yo, s’up, Ren? You still stuck crashing in here, dude?”

 

The older teen shrugged. “It’s not that bad. The chair makes a pretty comfy bed, to be honest.” Joker plopped back into his spot as Sonic left with a wave, flipping open the top book in the pile. 

 

“Oh, by the way, Master Hand, I think Dr. Eggman was here a few minutes ag--”

 

“I’m aware, Joker. I’m aware...”

 

* * *

 

Spending a half hour cooling his bottom of in the nearby river was not how Eggman thought that would go.

 

“Lousy hand… who needs that competition anyways? I already  _ know  _ I’d be the best competitor for miles…” Eggman grumbled as he headed back towards his hovercraft, already planning his next move. He just had to decide whether a robot invasion or setting the entire building ablaze would be a suitable act of retribution.

 

He paused when he heard a sigh in the woods. It sounded dejected. Troubled. Unwanted in the world.

 

... He could work with that.


	5. Mewtwo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mewtwo takes his completely reasonable pursuits of revenge into Master Hand's office.

“Mewtwo, where’s your candidate?”

 

The Pokemon twitched an eyebrow, flicking his wrists just so to emphasize them. Within the palms of his hands was a single wooden popsicle stick. It was sea salt flavored ice cream from the label, one of Cloud’s that he had brought from home most likely.

 

_ “I’m entering this horrid popsicle stick so I can murder it with extreme prejudice. The ice cream melted before I had the chance to lick it.” _

 

Mewtwo’s expression was so serious towards this very small sleight, it was almost comical. And from the faint snickering coming from by the door, Master Hand wasn’t the only one who thought so. The Pokemon didn’t seem to find the situation funny at all, however, and his rage exploded.

 

_ “What are you giggling at, boy?!”  _ A sharp snapping sound rang through the air as Mewtwo jerked his head towards the room’s youngest occupant, who was trying very hard to stop himself from losing it.

 

“N-Nothing!” Joker stuttered, either from fear or the aforementioned laughing fit. Or both. The hand was willing to guess both. He cleared his throat before trying — and failing — to look as nonchalant as possible. “I just got to a funny part in my book, see?” he said, pointing to one of the pages.

 

The Pokemon didn’t buy it whatsoever. His eyes glowed an intense purple, as did his entire body.  _ “Laugh at me again, and I  _ will  _ force that mask you’re wearing down your throat until you slowly die, the sharp points of it ripping lacerations into your insides as you choke on your own blood. Or simply destroy your puny, fragile mind until you are nothing but a drooling, pathetic mess writhing on the ground in white-hot agony.” _

 

A beat. The kid was trembling under the Legendary Pokemon’s gaze, no doubt being affected by his natural intimidation factor. Mewtwo turned his attention back to Master Hand.

 

_ “Put the stick in the running.”  _ His tone was deadly, resolve unwavering.

 

“Now, Mewtwo…” Master Hand started, careful in choosing his words. “You do realize I can’t just put in something that can’t even  _ move,  _ let alone fight, right?”

 

If possible, Mewtwo’s eyes narrowed further.  _ “I don’t care.” _

 

“It simply wouldn’t be fair to put in an inanimate object when I have a strict rule against--”

 

The Pokemon’s rage once again boiled over. Suddenly, Master Hand found himself being pelted with anything Mewtwo could get his psychic grip on. The chairs. The large couch. His coffee mug. A loose security camera. The multiple, sharp framed pictures of himself and his brother. A cracked hunk of the ceiling…

 

...even Joker, who crashed into Master Hand with a yelp.

 

Both of them landed into the wall on the right side of the room, Mewtwo already entering the stick in himself and leaving before they could recover.

 

“... That guy is more terrifying than a good chunk of the Shadows back home,” the thief groaned, gritting his teeth as he rubbed his sore head. “Couldn’t even focus on summoning Arsene to protect myself.”

 

Master Hand did an equivalent to nodding. His tone became wistful. “Indeed. That powerful glare of his probably could have stopped Tabuu and the Subspace War before it began. Shame I couldn’t fit him into the third tourney.”

 

“... … ... ’Subspace War’?”

 

“Don’t worry about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to make the clarification that once something's been entered into the drawing, it's locked and can't be taken out of the running. So yes, Mewtwo may well have gotten a popsicle stick into the roster.


	6. Captain Falcon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit from everyone's favorite pill-pusher and Captain Falcon being himself.

“There. All fixed up.”

 

Master Hand looked up to admire the Waddle Doo’s work on his ceiling. An excellent repair from an excellent repairman.

 

“I’ll have my brother send you your compensation at the end of the day!” he shouted as the tiny creature left. With an air of content Master Hand settled over his desk once again. Across from him, Dr. Mario was tending to his little helper. Pain had flared up soon after the duo removed themselves from the wall.

 

The man’s coat was dark gray instead of his normal white, but that was excused away with the mention of doing laundry. Which Master Hand supposed was a good enough reason. Corrin was typically the one in charge of the task and half the time he wanted to use his own water to ‘speed things along’.

 

Yet another heavy sigh came from Master Hand. The laundry room was probably an aquarium by now...

 

“All ya gotta do is take these pills an’ you’ll-a feel better like magic!” Dr. Mario said in that cheery voice of his. He thrust two completely blue pills into Joker’s arms, who regarded them with widened eyes.

 

“... How am I supposed to fit these inside of my mouth?!”

 

For comparison’s sake he compared the ends of the medicine to his own head and indeed, the pills were about as wide as his hand.

 

The doctor laughed. “No, no, silly, ya chew ‘em! Likeh deh marshmallow, haha!”

 

Joker gave Dr. Mario a cautious look. “And you’re sure these things won’t kill me?”

 

“Positive. Now-a you go an' take 'em like a good boy and come to me if ya need me.”

 

After a beat, the boy shrugged -and Master Hand could have sworn he had whispered something along the lines of ‘YOLO’ or something similar- and took a large bite out of one of the soft pills. His face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Hmm. Not bad; tastes like cotton candy.”

 

“By the way, Doctor,” Master Hand began as the doctor started walking out of the room, “Have you seen Captain Falcon? He was supposed to have shown up by now.”

 

Doc’s face suddenly shone red with embarrassment. “He won't be joinin' ya today. He’s uh… he’s-a in the infirmary. Pretty bad  _puncture wounds_.”

 

“... Do I even _want_ to know?”

 

“No.”

 

“Carry on, then.”

 

And carry on he did, quickly scampering off into the halls with the door shutting behind him.

 

“Well then. With Falcon indisposed, I see no reason not to move onto our next ca-- Joker, are you alright there, son?”

 

The boy wasn’t in the best condition before the doctor had arrived, but now he was just plain swaying while sitting down. As little as he knew about human anatomy, Master Hand knew that wasn’t a good sign. 

 

“Depends: is the room supposed to be turning blue and is my mouth supposed to taste like burning?” Joker asked, voice wavering. “That bunny in the corner doesn’t look too friendly either…”

 

“... Go to the infirmary, Joker.”

 

“M’kay...”

 

Master Hand blamed Galeem for the terrible day he was having. The guy might be dead, but he honestly didn’t give much of a damn.

 

* * *

 

Ren honestly didn’t know what Master Hand was talking about. Besides the sounds of his own giddy laughter ringing in his head -or that could be Arsene. He was probably being affected by whatever Doc gave the teen too- and the fact that he felt like he was going to pass out any second, he felt perfectly fine. As fresh as Daisy planting daisies in the middle of a daisy field.

 

He liked daisies. Daisies were pretty and smelled like old people. Did that mean daisies were secretly old people in disguise and the daisies over their graves were their zombified remains?

 

Oh, there was the infirmary. That was fast. When did the door get so _tall_?

 

How were you supposed to open the door again? Oh, yeah you gotta yank it. Yank the hand thing like ya really mean it and pass the ‘cool hand guy’ test.

 

The door flung open.

 

“Doc, I think ya gave me the wrong… pills…”

 

Whatever remaining rational part of Ren’s brain was _cackling_ right now.

 

The mighty Captain Falcon… the ever cocky, egomaniacal goof lord that is Douglas Jay Falcon… was cowering and getting pecked to death by an actual goddamned falcon.

 

“OW! I thought -OW!- it would -OW!- be cool!”

 

“You had-a so many people you coulda brought with you today and you picked an aggressive bird-of-prey,” Doc deadpanned, trying to bandage the man’s head without getting pecked.

 

_“It was a dare from Little Mac!”_

 

What a great sight to faint to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a rough time lately, but I'm back with more! I've actually been taking the time to plan out the order of the roster and I think I'm almost to a placement I'm happy with.
> 
> Fair warning before we move on any further: Dr. Mario will absolutely be a recurring character.


End file.
